Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
