At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
