yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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