Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
