i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
