Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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