Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
