You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
