Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
