overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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