i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
