I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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