I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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