I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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