I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
