i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
