need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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