i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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