Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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