She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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