So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You made out with two different species that night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
