Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
