I hate your face
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
