brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
