I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
