adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
