Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
