Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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