What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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