You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
