i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
