She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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