My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
