maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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