I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
