Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize