Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
