Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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