Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
