susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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