His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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