He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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