God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
