Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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