I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
