i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
