be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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