I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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