We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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