The maid of honor just puked.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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