Plan B is the new Plan A
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
